happy go lucky

angels

heroin artist fever

THREE HOURS THIRTY WAITIN
USUAL WAY OF ME TIME WASTIN
I WANT A PROBE
VENERAL DISEASE
YOU HATE ME WAY OF LIFE
YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE
and i'm really alone now and ever
micro chest nut cracker
we will be the lonely times we spent together
i feel succumbus de protraiere
me infesta de diavoli lenti tranno potere
she's waiting
waiting
an x ray, physiotherapy, agupuncture
philosophy is me, we really ?
tossed a bile ,chest cough treaten die out
fakk dis humm chest tediation
back pain stratospheric augmentation
meditation hear me screamin
my breath in my chest is screamin . silent vows of exuberanterminalagony
cause if you dont pick me up im fukked and
sweat cold pain allover my body
steeep infection taken clearly
what am i doin in the beany?
theres no use for me to be me
i think i swear im feelin
i swear to god im teeny
yeah mass throw sugar in the space
if only you my lord will ever grace
i will stand with you, for thy holy promise has come true!!!!

answered questions to manual (drug report)

1. Alcohol (Absinthe with coke)& scotch

2. Cannabis (smoked various types: blokka, grass, plasticine u zejt.) It was one of my favorite drugs until I used heroin. I started smoking blokka since the age of 13 and it made me feel good and I would really like the way it made be and think, it was part of my nice life; I never had problems using it. No police or habits. It is the only drug that I sold in my entire life. I already had my band and everyone knew I used marijuana and some did even admire me in many ways especially for talking very positively about marijuana and about the legalization issue, Peace ,Love and Equality for everyone, Anarchy and common sense, I had lots of subjects what to talk about, Songs about social issues like F*** L-Ezamijiet, One big problem of today’s society and the youth is provoked by the Education Department regarding the all kinds of Examinations in school, I said that if we were assessed for Our emotional intelligence instead of our I.Q. intelligence, many of the bored youth of our generation would be working in the place they really liked instead of other jobs that had to be their career for life only because for example you failed in a Mathematics or English exam, that u had to do to go into nursing school. That’s only one issue...etc. Now talking about marijuana personal use I cannot say it did not have any side effects which were negative and bad, Cause I used to have problems of sleep ( insomnia ) and then another problem if I slept I wouldn’t wake up. I would even have very bad dreams caused for sure by the THC. , many times I would wake up trying to breathe due to an unexplained kind of suffocation, Then frequently my heart would race for no reason for a minute straight and that was frightening. I also became very sensitive or hyper sensitive, sometimes, maybe due to that high sensitivity I would have a kind of bad trip, accompanied by a huge paranoia that for example I wouldn’t stick in a small room or in a normal room but with 4 people in it, I became paranoid and start asking paranoid questions that would make me feel worse with the answer. There is one thing that people noticed in me and told me about it, it is that almost 75 to 80% of the times I used marijuana, instead of slowing me down, it would speed me up, and my thoughts would race without limits of what to say or think, sometimes I would talk normally but at other times I would just talk confused, without no one understanding me or without never getting to the conclusion cause I would forget what I was talking about. I even thought about this thing and tried to figure out what was and how things were doing inside my mind. And I came out with imaging the mind composed by Roots and their several branches going out of them from both sides. (I will use this example of The Thinking Branches of root and thought to make it easy to understand) Imagine a bisected drawing of a plant or a tree, where, when the stem would go under the soil where roots normally form; now imagine the mind as those roots. Where the branch is the thought (a straight line from beginning to end) and the side roots, like left and right hands of a body are the details of all the information of that thought. Now what happens when a conversation takes place normally, your ideas would follow that single line (the branch) perfectly without going into the roots of that thought, and so then you speak the word.
Now what was happening with me was that when I started to converse, instead of following that branch simply from beginning to end, I would complicate the thought and be stopped by going into the side roots of that branch and use excess details of the information about the final thought, where; I would start speaking for example about how to cook a cake and instead of simply telling the recipe, I would start talking about the taste of the ingredients, their origins, where do they come from and lots of other non really important details, , but that are forever there stamped in the mind, collected through studying, months of information or experience throughout our life, and that’s the effect of the THC on me.
3. Cocaine (very rarely used)
4. D.X.M. : Cough Syrup in liquid or crystal form for XXstrong doses( provided by myself trough cough syrups, and rarely used )
5. G.H.B. (used to sleep and get kind of drunk, which I used rarely because I didn’t much enjoy the effect and fear of O.D. I used to mix it up myself from acetone, producing gammabutrylacetone )
6. Inhalants. Poppers, Butane (From refill Lighter Gas) and Acetone.
7. Ketamine: Special K (liquid and crystals) used only 3 times.
8. L.S.D.: Trips that looks like a piece of small or larger paper (the first time was great, and the other 2 times were always very Bad. Once I took Acid as 2 pills that were X.T.C. and dipped in acid, which was a terrible Experience and seemed like it would never stop the effect.
9. Salvia. : Salvia Divinorum which is totally different from the one we eat which is called salvia salvinorum. I had ordered the plant from over the internet and I smoked about 5 grams of it. It worked on me as a psychedelic. I really liked the first of the effects and then regretted afterwards for having used it because it made me feel bad.
10. Ecstasy. : I have used this drug more often, Most of the times I would go to Parties and even tried it for daily use. The highest number I ingested at once was 5. in parties I felt euphoric, I talk to every single person at the venue and try to make people laugh saying stupid things and looking hyper active for real I would want to make them dance and if there was a couple a guy and a lady I would ask them questions for a reason that I tried to make them kiss each other and feel lucky for having one another and for being together. I go round and around the place repeatedly and every lonely girl I see I try to have a romantic approach, wishing to kiss her or just see her smile would make me feel great, I always become super sensitive and most of the times I would stay with the effect of e’s all night long, at times, till the afternoon of the following day!.
10. Pharmaceuticals. : faverin + risperdal ( risperdal or risperidone had bad side effects of creating prolactin in my nipples which really hurts ), Stelazine ( had the worst side effects of almost blind for days till i stopped them ), Tofranil, Subutex, Subuxone, Ativan(or lorazepam – I have many, many times abused of this pill, maybe the most pill overall the others), Dalmane, Rohypnol, Valium, Seroxat, Seroquel, Clonazepam, Codeine, Dihydrocodeine, Temazepam, Xanax, Zolpidem (stilnox).
11. Opiates. : Heroin, Morphine Sulphate (pills), Codeine, Methadone, Raw Opium, Buprenorphine or Subutex

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The Sickness

I was sitting in the kitchen, i was alone looking at the needle that had only 10cc or less of a washout, it had more in it but i lost it yesterday, probably while i was moving up and down the roads. Having a hit ready for the next morning is something nice, it's not easy to leave something for the next morning. But remembering that you have a small hit, but just ok hidden in the usual place now and finding you have just a few drops left cause yesterday i was lazy, it freaks you out and you get that craving that won't pass until the next good hit.
I found it very hard to leave home and go for methadone. while walking i talk to myself and argue angrily that i have to give money to lots of shops i have to pass by, and i feel so worse , i say to myself " not taking just 1 hit " will allow me to get out of my road so much better, not so paranoid, with head down.
yeah, don't worry i will give them the cash, ah i have to do it damn it, nah I'm such a jerk man i don't ever keep the promise.
And still, Here i am stealing, stole, and trying to steal more, feeding this hell and buy them the cream for their dry skin, instead of doin the opposite positive that i should instead do.
When will that noel decide to get me to that therapeutic rehab that is supposed to help me change my life, Yes i wish, cause this is not life anymore now.

For my friends at D.D.U. - Text to Lucifer - "Renich Tasa Uberaca Biasa Icar Lucifer"

Rite To Lucifer

The Altar must face the East most point of the ritual chamber.
A candle is set at each elemental point.
The elemental demons are invoked by use of the enns with the dagger.
Flereous first and working clockwise, leaving Lucifer for last.
An incense of Sorcery or Lucifer invokes atmosphere.

Light the candles from Flereous to Lucifer.
Then - Carrying an incense wand or burner in one hand and a dagger in the other (doesn't matter which)
approach each point and kneel reciting the enn for Lucifer: "Renich Tasa Uberaca Biasa Icar Lucifer"
and wave the dagger through the smoke.
Finally, invite the fifth element (Satan, spirit) from the center of the ritual space.

Kneel at the altar in prayer:
"We pray thee Lucifer, bestow upon us the strength of your design.
Let the eagle bring us a new understanding.
Your light shall be our protection and guide us through this life.
We are as the wind. We humbly pay homage to thee in our offer of incense that you may know our respect for your vast strength.
We offer requests of knowledge and reflection that we may employ your creation to do so. Hail Lucifer.
Lord and Master of Air."

ADDITIONAL PRAYER:
Almighty Lucifer, bless me with enlightenment.
Allow me to emerge from the darkness awake, with understanding.
Grant me the knowledge to make my life what I want.
Grant me the wisdom to see things for what they really are.
For I wish to dwell in the world of intelligent thought and reasoning.
In Lucifer's name, Amen.

The comes the typical ritual body in which requests of concentration,
knowledge, intillect,
and purification are burned at the alter. (i.e. a bowl, incense burner, or bonfire.)
The ashes must be crushed to a fine powder and later dispersed in the wind.
Some sects choose to sing hymns and go into longer durations of prayer before the ritual closing.

TRY THIS: Write up a list of all the things you want to leave in your past.
When you're done, write Lucifer's sigil over it. Burn it.

Next - write up a list of what you want for the coming year.
When you're done, turn the piece of paper over and put Lucifer's sigil on the back.
Fold the paper and keep it with you.

Wish Rituals - Ritwal ghal talba ta ghajnuna fejn jidhlu affarjiet li ghandom x jaqsmu ma qrati / sentenzi / Probation/s u ma jidhlux nies -( mhemmx bzonn offerti apparti li hawn fl istess ritwal- Lucifru huwa is Sid, L Kap u lPatrun ta l arja b hekk lucifru jghin b rispett ta il liberta li hija tieghu u taghna ) Ritual for DELIVERANCE ( heles/hlist/EHLISNI/ZOMMni IL BOGHOD- , Nizzlu kollox fuq il Karta bhas soltu bid dati mnizzlin l ewwel u wara magenba il haga li ghanda tigri f dak il jum .. ghamlu is sigill ta lucifru, wara Itolbu it talb bill isemmu il kelma Liberta wkoll.. itfghu l energija kolla fir ritual u ( intlaqu mal karta bil mod komuni u wara evokaw l energija bis shana ,bin nar ( li thossok ghajjien hafna wara hija normali hu huwa sinjal tajjeb.. zomm il karta fuqek all kemm tiflah ibqa itlob sa lahhar iccekkja in numri u irrepeti l kliem ta tifhir wara li issir haga wahda u tassorbu u titfghu l energija aharqu l karta sakemm jitlaq kull ma hemm miktub fuqa u hallija tintefa waheda, ( mhux importanti pero pprova armi l fdal tal karta b mod ta rispett )

The ritual is closed as thus:
"Hail Lucifer. Lord and Master of Air.
We thank thee for being present at our ritual. We bid you, go in peace."

Close the ritual as normal.
If practicing solitary - change all "we" to "I" Also -
the prayer can be done with a single candle if you lack the space, time, or supplies to do a drawn out ritual.

TRY THIS AFTER THE RITE: Go through your house, and weather permitting, open several windows. With Lucifer incense, go through the house invoking Lucifer (using an enn or personal invocation) into each room. When finished, close the windows.

A Typical day in my life

why tipical? whymaybe boring ? cause it starts

I have just sent a long letter to moira zahra (m.z. in short) Thats it ,I Have already mentioned m.z. so this must really be a typical day of my " Life ".

This Sunday morning there was no reason to wake up early, and there wasn't even anyone at home, Until i heared my father opening the door i overslept and woke up around 10:00am. He told me immediately that today Detox will be open till noon, so i started wearing my clothes to be ready with that, i drank my tea and ate a Sweet pastry bone that we traditionally use in these months for the death and for all saints as well..
mm i'm feeling very kind of tired, and i feel like sleeping here on the chair so id better leave and stop nodding on the keyboard and sleep in the bed right ?

A Mon-day Shut Down with Bad Luck !

Drinking my tea, i was thinking that today i was supposed to wake up by myself and feel a lot better then i am now. I didn't use any alarm today, I tought i would wake up without help.
I opened my right eye and felt still sic, more than yesterday. i Closed my eye again and slept. My Father shouted my name from Downstairs and told me to wake up. " ok dad i'm coming " Islept for another hour, and again, i heared dad Screaming at me to get down " yeah yea ok" " i'm coming"
I got downstairs and found the cup of tea without milk an the teabag inside. I made my tea and with it i swallowed my first Holy Pills, So that's BreakFAST.
At 10:30am i had an appointment with Dr.vella at St.Lukes hospital, Detox Departement. We dressed up and got in the car. I had to get in again to change my shirt cause it was black and today the sun was terrible, after 3 minutes i was back in the car. Me and Dad decide to go to Marsascala at the B.O.V. bank to get lm40 from the check and so i did.
There were about 8 persons in the queue and dad was outside in the car, int the killing sun! I knew i'll had to spend around at least 30 minutes to get rid of that queue! I knew i had to loose far more than half an hour to get to my turn.
Finally it was My turn! and in only 2 minutes i was out of the bank. Dad told me to buy for him a Bottle of cold water and so i did, I bought some credit for my mobile and of course a packet of cigarettes.
We headed to GuardaMangia straight away and in around another half an hour we were infront of the Hospital. I arrived excactly at 10:30am. Dad dropped me infront of the hospital and I went running in. Thanks God i did not loose any time waiting in vain again to see my doc now and at 11:115am I was already out of there.
Along the trip i met an ex inmate, a very good person and he talked to me, he also needed some money. I asked him for what he needed them, and he told me that he was broke and needed to pay the bus. I talked with him for a few minutes and made sure he was ok and feeling well and before he left, I put my hand in the right pocket of my jeans and gave him all the money i had in that pocket! He thanked me a lot for more than enough and he turned around and went for the bus , he waved at me and i said " See You and take care " he thankes me again and was now far.
Unfortunately when i arrived home i realized i Might as well lost some good money! Cause i only had Lm10 left, I searched them everywhere, in the street in the car etc but i didn't find them anywhere! BAD LUCK.